A trip down memory lane... Part 1

Every now and then I somehow end up trawling through old photos, whether they be the photos that are archived away in boxes around our house, or those that live in random files on my Mum's computer. No matter where I go hunting though, I always find things that make me laugh, that make me cringe, and that make me remember the good times, even if at the time I couldn't really enjoy it. 

It puts life in perspective once again, which is something I seem to constantly be losing and finding again. If anyone has a trick for holding onto that one, could you let me know please? :P

Hope you like le foto! :)

They were so little!
February 2007

Padre's 50th. Us being our usual crazy selves :) 
October 2008

Shit quality? Who cares!
We were such cool kids.

According to my father,
knowing how to pick up a bobtail is vital to one's education.

Wearing pink in honour of seeing my only female cousin :P
January 2011

February 2009

I've always loved this photo of mother-dearest :)
February 2007

Who knew attempting to clear out my usb could be so nostalgic?

Until next time! :)

PS. Terribly sorry about the ridiculous gap in posts. I'm back at uni and I've taken on a pretty heavy load, so I'm still trying to get back into the swing of things. I promise to try my best and start posting once a week again! :)

Backlog: To the wind, the sand, the green grass and the sea...

It's been a while since I've posted a blog that I wrote during my high school days, but this seems thoroughly appropriate, and it's one of the few posts that I still actually like. About 20 months ago, I stopped being an insane child and decided to listen to doctors. I stopped doing outdoor sports, and worked on exercises given to me by my multiple physios instead. I began the long and horrible process of having 4 joint reconstructions, spent countless weeks on crutches or in a sling and slowly, but surely, slumped into a state of depression. It's not something I've told many people, I don't really like to talk about it, but in the past few months something has changed and I'm aware that depression is not something to be ashamed of. I didn't let myself stay there, I fought it every step of the way, and a few weeks ago I suddenly started to become myself again. There'd been stages where I'd been better, but better was never quite me. The feeling of hopelessness that it was only ever going to be just 'better' made it worse and worse, all I wanted was to get out and be myself - the crazy insane child who was constantly out and being active and doing the things that I loved because I knew my joints were fucked anyway. Now I've decided to go back to that and it's like my personality has come back, I feel like myself again and even though my emotions still hang on a tenuous balance, I feel lighter, like my life is my own again.


With this being said, I've decided to re-blog this (with some slight amendments). It gives me hope. It puts a cheeky smile back on my face, but more importantly, it has made me me again, instead of a person who hardly recognises themself.


So to the wind, the sand, the green grass and the sea...


...it's just you and me baby, you and me.

People often wonder why I don't follow doctors orders and go surfing or kayaking or running, and while I do say that it's because of the natural adrenalin that flows through my veins, it's also because I live in a world and a society where there is so, so much pressure to do well and become something or someone, and for me, the way to escape this is by doing crazy, physically challenging things where it doesn't matter if I'm a success or a failure. It's my personal way of escaping my family who expects so much of me, the pressure I place on myself to do well at uni, my friends who I love so much but just sometimes get a bit annoying and everything else that is playing havoc with my emotions and with my brain. It's my escape because when I'm out there, in the ocean or the sand or running on the green grass, there's no one expecting me to do something amazing. When I go for a surf, I know that even if the only waves that carry me are the ones that are pummelling me beneath their rough surface, that no one will be angry or disappointed when I trudge once again on the sadly solid ground. When I'm running around the oval inhabited by ants and birds and beetles and shrubs, I'm free from the expectations of everyone and everything, and I can simply enjoy the cool wind sweeping against my face and the floating sensation that follows.

But there's more than just that. When I go for a surf, I'm amazed that there is a single body of water with hundreds of thousands of living things swimming around inside of it, and that there's somehow still room for so many oblong bumps to rise out of the water and carry me and my surfboard (whether above or below) for a few meters before I either get my head up to suck in the oxygen or before I jump back into the blue expanse triumphantly. When I've finished my run and have collapsed onto the ant-filled grass I can be amazed that such tiny creatures exist so perfectly. That is, I can be amazed until one of them bites my back and leaves me with a sore, itchy red lump. Either way, every time I go surfing or running, I'm allowed to just be me. To be a version of me who has forgotten about the world and instead to be filled with liberating freedom and wonder.

So, when people ask me why I don't follow doctors orders and go for a surf or a run, I tell them that it's because of the wind, the sand, the green grass and the sea.

It's just me and them baby. Them and me.

Backlog: Dreaming of an Endless Summer

The weather is so beautiful today. Summer is here - or at least, Spring is :P And this song shall be its anthem :) I love these dudes - I love that you can hear their Aussie accents and that they seem so down to earth and that their black labrador features in so many of their youtube videos...

Speaking of Summer, I'm going to post part of a post from my old MySpace again. Every time spring rolls around I get a little overexcited because it means the dry season is nearby. It is without a doubt my favourite time of the year, which is pretty evident in how much I romanticise it. Although, now that I think of it I wrote this in September 2008, and what I wrote still embodies how I spend my summer days :D 

Dreaming of an Endless Summer

Summer Paradise

...I'm going to the beach. Every day that I can I'll go to the beach and swim and snorkel and surf to my hearts content. I'll roll around in the waves after toppling off my board, and laugh at myself when I manage to pop my head out of the water. I'll paddle out the back, enjoying the rise and fall of the bigger waves that I'll be a little bit too scared to surf. Then I'll paddle up to the front and laugh at myself sliding off my 6'7" hunk of fibreglass, before unexpectedly staying up for the first time in a while. It'll be enough to put me in a euphoric state for the rest of the day, and maybe even a day or two after that.

I'll go to the river with my family, some snorkels, hot chips, a few fishing rods and a kayak. Me and Scott will swim just a metre away from a dolphin and not even realise it, swans will try to steal our chips and we'll just laugh. We'll run along the top of blackwall reach and climb down the cliffs to discover tiny caves, and I'll jump off the top of the ominous walls of rock into cool, murky water. I'll go for a long kayak, a snorkel in my lap so that I can push my head into the water and enjoy the sweet, cool liquid and the darting schools of whitebait desperately swimming away from me. Then Scott will jump on the front and we'll paddle through the yachts.


Laughing.
Yelling.
Screaming.
Singing at the top of our lungs.
Mum and Dad will get angry because we stayed on the water 'til after dark, but who cares. We had a good time and they'll get over it. Then we'll fish and catch blowies until we're too tired to put the bait on our hooks, before going home and arguing over who gets the shower first. 

Christmas will be the same as usual. The ever so lovely family lunch of a roast lamb, a roast chicken, too many roasted vegies, a Christmas pudding that I pretend to like, and a pavlova covered with fresh fruit. We'll sit around the tree after church and appreciate everything we get because we know that it was as much as Mum and Dad could possibly afford. We'll muck around outside and maybe even go for a swim at the beach as the sun slowly melts into the calm, blue expanse that is the ocean...

Eep! I'm getting so excited :D

Blue skies make me so happy :D

Backlog: 18 May 2008

So in a moment of ridiculous procrastination, I checked my myspace (it still exists whaaa??)! Anyways, I found this old blog of mine and decided it's not too shabby. Thanks to Tanya for the photo!

Those starlit nights.

TanyaVolt Photography

I miss them.

I miss their arrogance and confidence and their jokes and mood swings and letting me sit in the corner. Only noticing me when I needed some cheering up. I miss their laughing and enthusiasm and optimism and liveliness and the fact that they let me sit in the corner...almost entirely undetected.

Then they left and yet somehow the good life was still there. They were coming back. I was so sure.

But one week of starlit nights, two weeks of romance and everything was gone. The lights shone down on me and I was exposed. My flaws were there for the whole world to see and they, the arrogant, confident, moody, enthusiastic, optimistic and lively who let me sit in the corner almost entirely undetected were gone.

Suddenly my life was filled with a void. A huge, gaping chasm opened up in front of me and I fell right in. The good life was over and I had to walk the path that so many had walked before me. The path that was so small that there was no room for movement...no room to make a mistake. Now I'm living that life.

And only now am I regretting those starlit nights...