December 16, 2012

Shake it like a Polaroid Picture!!

A few nights ago I found myself sitting in the back of my friend's car, dozing on and off after a full day of adventures. Sitting there listening to music and flicking through the photos we took that day, I couldn't help but to feel a little overwhelmed with life as it currently stands, but in a whole new way to what life has been of late. And as I seem to do when my head gets all full up, before I knew it the nearest writing utensil (unfortunately, my phone) was in my hand and I was typing like a mad child. 

This is not the most grammatically correct or eloquently written thing that I'm ever going to publish, but for me, it's kind of too exciting to leave it as a note on my phone, and that's what this blog is for anyway, right? Publishing my mildly incoherent rambling? :P

Have you ever felt so many emotions that you feel like you're going to burst? Like, you finally have good people in your life and it makes you so happy and so scared and so... So much like suddenly life has value, maybe.

Like this person that is your best friend means so much to you that it scares you. You can't comprehend the friendship you have, but it becomes so important and you just, you can't understand it and so you think, probably, neither can anyone else.

Have you ever felt like you're finally fitting in with your family? As if slowly, the relationships with your brothers, sisters, parents, are maturing and becoming something real and tangible. Like you're relationships are developing into things that exist out of friendship, not just habit, and it's so damn exciting.

And then you meet someone else. Someone who you can't help but feel could be amazing. And even though it'll never happen because the time and place is just wrong, it's so horribly off that it's heartbreaking, that re-remembering what it is to feel that way almost makes up for it?

Have you ever felt like apart from these few people, that there are still more? There are friends who you love and get along with. Who you know and appreciate and that's so comforting because it's never been like that before. 

Right now all these things, these emotions, have suddenly decided to pack themselves into my head even though there isn't space for them all, and just to add to the party, I remember that in one month I'm going on this huge adventure - the adventure I've been waiting for my whole life. And it's so close that I can almost touch it. For the first time, it's really truly tangible. Excitement. Unbelievable excitement.

But then I think about all the people that I've finally found. About the little place I've built for myself and that for the first time in longer than I can remember, the place that I feel comfortable in, I feel at home in, and I feel scared. What if it all changes? It doesn't really matter I suppose, nothing is going to stop me from going, but still...

How on earth did it happen that life went from close to unbearable to so fucking beautiful? To so perfect that I can't contain all the good emotion inside of me - that I can't get this lump out of my throat, a lump that's stuck there and keeps wanting to drive tears to my eyes - tears of joy, of happiness, of fear of all this goodness and mostly, of this love that I seem to have found myself so completely and utterly surrounded by...

PS. Please forgive the horrendous blog/photo layout!! It is going to become a lot more viewer friendly very soon!! :)

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