November 20, 2012

Apathy.

Last night, I booked a one-way ticket to finally embark on an adventure I've wanted to go on for my whole life. An hour later, I found myself writing these words,

"I want doughnuts and gelato and a long hug. Booking the flight unleashed some kind of manic joy. I was getting out of here, at last. Leaving. Escaping. But then I took a deep breath and was overcome by fear. By the emptiness that had had hold of me before, and the unknown that lay ahead. By the fear that maybe I had lost something forever, and perhaps not even time, not even the years that have since passed, or exploring abroad, would help me to get that back."

I suppose what I'm trying to get at, in a somewhat cryptic but brutally honest way (for myself), is that I'm feeling a little lost at the moment. Empty and numb and broken all at once. The words just haven't been flowing for too long a time and I don't know how to make them come back. I don't even feel that inclined to take pictures of anything to remember this feeling that's been engulfing me for longer than I care to remember. So, apart from an occasional Op Shop Challenge post, the blog is going on hiatus.

I'll definitely be back. I'm going to study in Milan next year for 6 months, and as scared as I am, the excitement definitely outweighs the fear. From there, I plan to trek back to India to spend some time with the lovely people I met on the first leg of The India Project and to begin working on some actual plans to turn my dreams into a reality.

These are adventures that I'll want to document no matter what so, at the very latest, I'll be back here on January 16, the day I leave. I just wanted to let you know what's going on though because even though this is just a tiny little blog, I've still met some incredible people through it and I thought before my (temporary) disappearance, I'd at least say thanks all for being so rad, and for being there for me over some rough times of late :)

Hopefully I'll be seeing you all soon!

Over and out.
Rhi.

1 comment:

katiecrackernuts said...

It's an amazing adventure and one that I do hope you'll share, even if it's sporadic. The chance to study and test yourself in a new place for that time and then to set yourself free to wander is an amazing opportunity and one I know you'll take so much from. Do it now. Don't hold back. Be scared but be exhilarated too.